Last week, Cass and I met up at Knee High Stocking Company, one of our favorite local speak-easy style bars for Happy Hour.
The gaudy paintings of angels on the walls and abundance of gin really makes me feel like I’m drinking at the Pearly Gates. It’s such a heavenly experience that I always expect some ethereal creature to return all my missing socks, and ask if I want to join a round of black jack with Earnest Hemmingway and Grace Kelly.
The point is this place is awesome, you guys. And it’s a hidden Seattle gem that you must enjoy if you’re willing to look very uncool while trying to be cool.
If you’ve never been before, you will no doubt tell your Uber driver to drop you off at Olive and Bellevue and you will do doubt have any idea where to go from there. Once you (finally) spot the door and accompanying doorbell you’ll wait outside, glancing over your shoulder feeling nervously out of place like you’re waiting in line for Plan B at the pharmacy.
Once inside you’ll navigate the dimly lit bar, probably running into someone and striking up a conversation. Here’s one of mine from last week:
British guy: “I must say, you are absolutely gorgeous, darling. No disrespect to the lucky lad you’re meeting here.”*gestures to Cass’s empty seat,
Me: “Thank you, that’s very kind of you. Waiting for my girlfriend, actually.” *gestures to Cass’s empty seat and eyes immediately widen once I realize what I said.
British guy: *Violently throws hands up as if to say ‘Don’t shoot!’. “Oh bloody hell I’m really sorry.”
Me: (The all-too-familiar explanation) “No she’s my roommate, I mean she’s like more than my roommate she’s my best friend. She’s not my girlfriend, I have a…”
British guy: “I think my friend needs me.”
Me: *Nervously looking around because I realize I’m in Capitol Hill. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”
… how many times will this happen?
All humiliation aside, Knee High is perfect for Happy Hour and in walking distance if you work downtown (about 10 blocks north on Pike). Grab any drink with Ginger Beer for $5 and enjoy some of the best fish tacos for $3. Sit at the bar if you can and strike up a conversation with the bartenders, they may don facial hair more reflective of a butcher from the 1890s than a bartender, but they’re very friendly.
If the wicked Happy Hour, knowledgeable and unpretentious staff isn’t enough to get you to come here, they let you make reservations via text which is yet another avenue to feel uncool for misanthropes like me. Before I send in my reservations, I find myself locking up my fixed gear and reading a quick article on Pitchfork in hopes of being accepted by the holy grail of hipsters.
For anyone who hasn’t had a chance to enjoy Knee High I highly recommend trying it out. Looking cool is optional.
Knee High Stocking Co, 1356 E. Olive Way. 206-979-7049, text messages only; www.kneehighstocking.com.