The Broke Girls Guide to Shiny Hair

 

There are certain household items that become luxuries once you move out of your parent’s house- double-ply toilet paper, name brand laundry detergent and that stuff that makes your hair smell like a baby prostitute.

Probably because I never really had to buy it on my own before, I never realized how expensive designer shampoo and conditioner can be. It’s harder for me to justify splurging on this shit (that literally goes down the drain), because, unlike my expensive shoe habit, no one can tell that you’re using the hottest shampoo brand, or that you shamefully went for Head and Shoulders this time. As long as your hair looks somewhere in between Amanda Byne’s wig and Jennifer Aniston’s Seabuscuit mop, no one will be looking at your locks.

My solution? Hippy shit- patchouli and Bob Marley black-light poster optional.

Unless your shampoo is made of unicorn cum, ditch it. Instead, wet hair in the shower and liberally rub baking soda over your scalp. You’ll miss the suds, but if baking soda can take the triple mac and cheese crust off of my cast-iron pan easily removed salad dressing from my flatware, then it’s good enough for your hair.

YOU WILL LITERALLY HAVE SQUEAKY CLEAN HAIR, IT’S AWESOME YOU GUYS.

Condition with one part apple cider vinegar with The Mother (very important, don’t ask me why) and three parts water. I bought a travel size hairspray container and Target and keep in the the bathroom. Also handy for impromptu salads in the bathroom, in case you’re in to that kind of thing.

Trust me, you’ll never buy drug store shampoo and conditioner again. I even considered braiding my hair to a trailer hitch to show you how strong it is ( a la Garnier Fructis commercials), but then I carried on living my life.

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