I don’t make resolutions. Unless if by resolutions you mean falling asleep with a glass of wine in your hand while watching the same episode of Sex and the City for the 5th time, then I’m totally into that.
I have been feeling uncharacteristically nesty lately and have been putting forth a lot more effort into making my home less of a 1,000 square foot dedication to Netflix and more of a haven for existential thinking and other shit the self-help book my mom sent me says I should be doing.
As most of your know, I treat Christmas like the love child of a Jew and The Grinch, it’s just not my bag. But my parents were coming to stay with me so I felt I had to at least pull out a shred of Catholic guilt and do a little decorating. I even tried making gingerbread houses which were more globs of ginger-spackle and than house.
I had a few canvasses (canvassi?) laying around from a big order I made from Blick a while ago. You guys, this is the best deal on canvas anywhere short of an army surplus store. Conveniently, I was also running low on [real] paint, and Mary Kate Olson’s Christmas dinner plate was more full than my bank account. For all my sympathizers our there, the craft Gods have answered our prayers. Head over to Lowe’s for Valspar samples – they run about $3 and work just fine for a cotton canvas.
I think I subconsciously really wanted a McChicken when I got these, so I picked a deep red and mustard color and a few other sidekicks. Steps as follows:
1) Use an angled foam brush to free-hand thin lines down the canvas. It’s okay to mess up (a lot) on the first few layers. This craft is forgiving, just keep drinking and keep going.
2) Before your first color dried completely, rinse your brush and start the process again with a second color. Slight blending of the two colors looks great, but it’s important to cover as much of the white canvas as possible. Repeat this process for the rest of your colors. I think 3-4 colors works best, anything more looks like a diaper of indian food.
3) Once the canvas dries, cut and place equal strips of blue painters tape in whichever pattern you like the best. This brick/chevron kind of came to me as I was playing around with the tape. Get funky with the shapes here, the less perfect, the better, so let loose you bashful goose. Let all colors dry.
4) Paint a layer of white over the tape. I used a small roller for this to avoid paint globs near the tape edge lines.
5) I have next to zero patience, so I ripped the tape off right away. Voila, you’ve got a rad, personalized art piece to impress your fancy dinner party guests.
P.S. – You don’t have to listen to Salt-n-Pepa while you do this, but I did, so I’m not convinced it would work out otherwise.